"Dear God," she prayed, "let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me hungry...have too much to eat. Let me ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere--be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one blessed piece of living is ever lost."
- Francie Nolan in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
This sounds like a prayer I would pray. Or at least a prayer I would have prayed before coming to New York City. Living in the suburbs of Chicago, I was terrified of languishing into a life of passivity, complacency, boredom and insensitivity. Since I’ve been in NYC, I can feel my fear shifting. Now, I am more afraid of drifting to an extreme. Here, the rich are so rich it is repulsive. The poor are so downtrodden they reduce themselves into a huddle of dirty blankets.
I think recently it has been my distant interactions with the homeless that have most affected me. Seeing them coiled up on the subway, often smelling so strongly like manure that other passengers switch cars as soon as they step on. In fact, my theory is that they make themselves smell so horrid so that they can have an entire car to themselves in order to remain isolated in their shame. These unfortunate souls do not acknowledge the living occurring them and they make every effort to not be acknowledged by it. Their pain has reduced to them to the point that they don’t even have faces—the distinguishing mark of a human—because they hide completely within blankets and hooded sweatshirts.
Francie Nolan thinks if she can only live her life in the margin of extremes then she will at least know she is alive; then she will be carpeing the diem. But I think she is mistaken. It is in the extremes that you forget to live.
The rich drift through life on the gentle waves of cash that put them into a slumber or they obsess with money to the point that they forget there is more to life than a bank account. The homeless daze out in hopes of disappearing. And, contrary to Francie's eagerness to dream, even dreaming all the time can also be a curse—just ask a war veteran who can’t shake his nightmares. I think all three of these (even the rich if you can get them to really be honest. See here for example.) would trade in their extreme existences so that they can live again.
Sometimes by being something, you can end up being nothing. Sometimes it is in the mundane that radical living happens most often.
4 comments:
I think forgetting to live is a very distinct and present danger for everyone, regardless of financial status or situation in life. The novel so quickly fades into the mundane and new life experiences that we at first feel so keenly dull into the blur of our daily lives. On one hand, this process is crucial because it saves us from being overwhelmed by the intensity life can bring us. On the other hand, it means that those beautiful moments when you fully savor life are few and far between.
So how do we feel and experience life, immersing ourselves in the experiences and emotions set before us, and still guard against being overwhelmed by it all?
I'm not sure how universally I would want to apply this principle. I think it is a good reminder to embrace faithfully that to which you have been called, and reflect properly upon the Proverb that relates that having too much leads to gluttony, too little to covetousness.
But what of the fear of passivity? Of complacency (boredom is a choice and I don't believe it fits into this model)? Perhaps a solution lies in experiencing and relating to the extremes while living a balanced life. This requires more discussion and thought.
I think the primary goal must be in looking for the beauty and joy in every instance, even the beauty in that wretched-smelling homeless person. If the primary goal of mankind is to glorify God, coincident with that goal must be joy. Even temporal happiness. That means finding joy in our present circumstances, while also looking forward to future joys as circumstances shift.
As for being overwhelmed by life... I don't know how that's possible. I'm not being glib. I am being serious: are there circumstances that can truly overwhelm us? If we are attempting to find the beauty and joy in all circumstances, will anything overrun us?
I think it comes down to a matter of perspective. If you can keep a balanced perspective, regardless of if you are living an extreme life, then you are seeing life for what it truly is. And by seeing life for what it truly is, you are not overlooking any beauty in it and you need not be overwhelmed by the hardships in it. This will allow you to seize the day for God's glory because there is no reason to fear or belittle it.
Now how does one find and maintain this perspective in actuality, especially in extreme circumstances?
More thoughts on other aspects of this?
Thanks for the conversation!
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